I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
