the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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