Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
