Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
