How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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