Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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