I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize