My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
