my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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