forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
