Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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