I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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