Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
