So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
