Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
