well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
