i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
