dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
