i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
