Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
