she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
