In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
