omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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