she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
