im drinking this country out of the recession.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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