do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
