he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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