Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
