I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
