Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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