Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was CRYING into my vagina
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
