So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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