Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
