we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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