His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Let's paint friendship bongs
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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