I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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