I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
