My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
