What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
