apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
