When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
