The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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