You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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