if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
