why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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