It's like a parade of train wrecks.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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