A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Shame - the story of my life.
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