I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
