My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
