last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
