Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
