Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i love accidental penises.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
