My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
