Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
