i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well I just put wine in my tea
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
