what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
