The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
