Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
