The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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