Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
