My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
