Someone shit on the floor
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
