i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
