Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
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I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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